It was a year ago yesterday that the doctor called and told me I had cancer. In the land of survivors, I guess that makes me 1 year old.
To celebrate I did a few things. I released my album, that I was recording during chemo. I also edited and bundled up the meaty parts of this blog and released it as an eBook. And third, I rode 50 miles on my bike. In the land of cycling, I understand that’s called a half century.
Busy day, really.
I must be honest, though, it does feel a little weird to be selling stuff that came about because I had cancer. I don’t know what it is that bothers me. Capitalism. Opportunism. Something.
I guess the reason it feels weird is because I didn’t make these things to sell them. I mean, I wasn’t writing this blog with the idea that one day I’d make some money off of it. I wrote in this blog because I had to write in this blog. Same with the songs I recorded. I had to get stuff out.
And to come now and package this stuff up and put a price tag on it, and write succinct little marketing blurbs about it…well, it seems so…tacky is maybe the word.
But it occured to me that as an artist, or as a writer, or as a creative person in general – the stuff that came out of me during this terrible, cancerous time might possibly be the best stuff that’s ever come out of me. I always knew that I could write, if only I had something to write about. And I’m a good musician, but sometimes I lack inspiration.
I decided that this blog, and that album – they have value. So I’ve decided to sell them here on the site. I realize that I have conflicting ideas about it, but I think it’s a good idea. To put a price on something also shows others that it has a worth, and I’m ok with that.
These goods do have some tangible qualities to them as well. A married couple I know were just diagnosed – both of them in the same week – so I’m planning on sending a copy of the album and maybe a copy of the eBook to them. It might help them. When I was diagnosed I read all kinds of books about the experience of cancer, and it helped me.