Now I Buy Useless Things on Ebay

I bought a compass the other day on eBay. Ok, well, two compasses, actually. I wasn’t sure about the first one, so I figured I should get a second. I got outbid tonight on something that was billed as the “complete desktop recording system,” although now I’ll never be sure if it actually was. That one upset me, too, because I only lost it by $2.50. I mean, I could have paid another $2.50, come on!

I bought a spindle of CDs. And a ceiling fan for my tent. Not that I can use my tent for the next 9 months. Or a compass for that matter. And what on earth do I need a compass for? Do I look like Magellan? The pocket knife I bought will probably be useful, but I’m glad I asked my father to talk me out of buying the over-priced keyboard I was eyeing today. I have a keyboard. Two keyboards, in fact. Actually, I already own the same keyboard I was thinking about buying today.

I started to read the “Jeans Style Guide” on eBay just now, and I realized that it was for women’s jeans. But then I kept reading. It was about then that I realized that I have a problem.

Somewhere between getting cancer and getting really bored, I started surfing eBay again. I say “again” because I believe I’ve done this before, where I start to roam around eBay, buy a few useless things – sunglasses, spatula – and then realize what I’m doing.

This time, though, I really, truly, have nothing better to do that pick through the yard sale crap on eBay (i.e., check this gem out), so it’s especially alarming.

Today I got tired of staring at my computer, so I pulled on my shoes and draped my coat over my pajamas and drove my car to our mailbox (driving to my mailbox will make sense to those of you who know where I live). See, two packages had already come to the house, and neither of them were for me – specifically – neither of them were the new Victronox Swiss Army Knife Picnicker Edition #53652 pocket knife that I bought off eBay that I don’t need. So I thought I’d take a drive up to the mailbox to see if anything came for me.

I didn’t find anything from eBay, but I did find a few more doctor bills. *Not what I was looking for.*

So I came back to the house and surfed a bit more, and that’s when I started to bid on this “complete desktop recording system,” which I desperately do not need.

Mostly, like I said, I’m just still sort of bored. I had chemo on Monday, and here it is Wednesday, and I can’t really go very far without having to lay down, and I’m sort of tired of seeing the people on CSI solve EVERY case (wow they are good), and I can only lurk so much on my own website waiting for comments before it gets obsessive.

I have, however, come up with a bunch of things to do. When I’m done with this, I mean. First, I thought I’d backpack in Sierra Nevada this April. And then travel Europe again – no, make it South America this time – oh, and include a language immersion program in there so I learn to speak Spanish.

And I thought I’d record my own CD of piano music. I would have my own recital, too. It’s about time I did something like that anyway.

And if I do any of that backpacking stuff, I’m going to need a compass, right? (You don’t even know how to use a compass.) And a Victronox Swiss Army Knife Picnicker Edition #53652 pocket knife? (You could probably manage without.)

Well, anyway, if anybody is interested on how to find the right pair of women’s jeans on eBay, just let me know. I have the link right here.

Update: I just got this e-mail from the dude I bought the pocket knife from:

Hello,

I greatly apologize we have indentified a large inventory and shipping mistake that effects your order. Unfortunately your item is unavailable. I have refunded your money plus $5 for the waste of your time and I again I greatly apologize.

Thank you,
David Harris
www.ABCKnives.com

Besides being really lame, and besides the fact that I no longer get my Victronox Swiss Army Knife Picnicker Edition #53652 pocket knife – this means that I just made $5 by buying things I don’t need on eBay.