Tag Archive for 'hospital bill'

That is how much my first chemo session cost, according to the bill I found in the mailbox today. [edit: i later found out that this bill was for 2 sessions of chemotherapy, which is one month. - djh]

(I should quickly add that this bill was submitted to my insurance company, and they should, KNOCK ON WOOD, take care of most of it.)

My first reaction was laughter (“Surely you jest!”), my second reaction was to blame for the now-empty beer bottle I have here next to the computer.

I could have bought a cadillac. Or another college education. Or 24 new keyboards. Or 96,552 bags of chips from the ECC vending machines.

I don’t get it. You cut me up, you stick a tube in me, you fill me with crap that’ll make my hair fall out, my stomach upset, my face puffy, my bones hurt, and my face break out. You make it so I can’t sleep for days and days, and you tell me this stuff might give me cancer. Then you charge me $48,276.30 and tell me to come back 11 more times?

Somebody wake me up. I fell down the rabbit hole, and now there are ladies dressed in white trying to stab me with little plastic tubes and doctors pulling out my bones.

Maybe they messed up. Maybe they meant to send this to the other Dave Hahn with cancer. Who’s also a patient at their hospital. And who also had chemo that day. In that chair. With that nurse. And that blood type. And that basic appearance.

I’m sorry guys, I really wanted to stick around, see ya’ll get married and meet your children and such, but I’m afraid “living” just wasn’t in the budget this year. We’ll try again next time.

Are they NUTS? My father has said in that past that he believes that there are comedians in the back room that make up the prices for these things.

“First chemo? Ooh! Tell him $50 grand. No – how about just under? Yeah, like, $48-something. Yeah, that’ll be great! Oh, I wish I could see his face when he gets the bill! Man, is he going to need a drink. Tell me what he says, ok?”